“Hiding behind honesty now is a sure fire way to cause real harm later.”
In the age of transparency popularized by the personal development industry and social media, we can fancy ourselves to be radically honest.
And in relationship I am an advocate for the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you goddess!
But there is super sneaky way that “being honest” may be setting you up for pain and heartache down the road.
“Well I told him I didn’t want anything serious from the beginning so I don’t understand why he is so upset now.” A woman shared recently.
I have been both on the receiving end of this sort of “honesty” as well as someone who has hidden behind it.
Your. Motivation. Matters.
1. Are you telling this person your truth so that you can explore and create more common ground together? So that you can both make informed decisions and co-create something that is a win-win-win?
2. Or are you telling them so your ass is covered later?
If it’s #2, then you’re using honesty in a non-compassionate, selfish way.
Love is an energetic game. You cannot hide behind technicalities and expect that it will play out to a happy ending.
Telling the truth is an art form. It takes practice and courage and the willingness to be bad at it.
Telling the truth is one part of our responsibility to love.
Another is compassion.
I often ask myself, and my clients this question:
“What might be all the ways I can communicate my truth creatively, compassionately, and courageously?”
This helps me steer away from taking my truth out on others.
It helps me source a way to tell the other person in a way that works for them too.
It also helps me hold nothing back and tell the whole truth instead of partial truths.
“Hiding behind honesty” will hurt both of you later. You know what your motivations are. So are you protecting yourself or using it as a means to co-create win-wins?
Epic Partnership can only be founded upon a culture of compassion, truth, and courage.